Dealing with heartbreaks and things that most lesbians deem normal...

Net went dead for a couple of days so this was written offline.

Nov 23, 4:09PM

Been mustering up the courage to post about this particular thing that's been burning my gray matter. Figured Malditera is anonymous anyway, so here goes…

Girlfriend broke up with me last Sunday and though the break-up has been hard on us both, am inclined to believe that the decision is good for us. At least, for the time being. Am very confused about this huge question and am not sure if it's a gay relationship issue or simply me having a hard time adjusting to the Pinoy lesbian culture. Love my girl like no other. It's the drama am having difficulty with. My question:

Is it normal for lesbians to just keep going out with their exes (with friends around, of course)? Because it bothers me. Am not the jealous type, but we three had a tumultuous history. Didn't mind it at first but situations keep piling up. The straw that broke the camel's back was when she and her ex suddenly felt like watching Harry Potter when we had previously agreed to watch it together on a set day. It resulted in World War III, with me being the first to cry foul. Though they didn't act on the impulse, the scenario unleashed a bitter force so strong it devastated our relationship.

It doesn't help that they've been together 6 years and people around them, of course, prefer the familiarity of their old pairing. Can feel how her friends resent my presence so she takes her ex along with her whenever she meets up with old friends.

Is this normal? She calls me a "newborn", since this is my first real lesbian relationship (my puppy love doesn't count). Is this something I have to deal with if I'm serious about pursuing an honest-to-goodness lesbian relationship? Must admit that having a straight relationship is so much less complicated. Men are easy…except when they begin to complain about how I'm not putting out. But why would I want to be in a straight relationship, knowing that it's not something that comes natural to me? That would not only be unfair to the guy -- I'd merely be using him to pretend I'm a conventional member of society (plus he'd never really score) -- it would also be unfair to me.

-- End of Offline Blog Post --

Today...
It's been almost a week now since the break-up. Mostly wasn't really feeling anything. Then one of her classmates, my closest in that section, YM'd me. Finally felt like crying for the first time.

Realized this is my first relationship-related post. Why is it that it's easier to talk to a dude about stuff like this? I must be a dude inside a girly girl's body. (If that were true, then that makes me a drag queen. Can't live without heels and eyebrow pencils.)