Tired of being angry all the time.

Career transitions will take place in a couple of weeks. Should be working on the presentation to impress prospective employers but.

I'm tired.

There's exploitation everywhere (videos of kids dancing like sl*ts: Jenna Rose and locally, Jan-Jan). There's the issue of three Filipino criminals going through China's death sentence (which I wholeheartedly agree with). An anti-spanking bill that's sure to bring out the brats in our already bratty young ones. Can see it now, the Philippines will be full of self-indulgent slackers that will think the world owes them something.

And gay people everywhere are still fighting to be understood.

There was a month when all the gay male bloggers I follow were in party mode, while all the lesbian bloggers are just being their usual contemplative selves. Now even the gay bloggers seem to be pensive. (Just felt my balance tip a little bit...riiiight there. I visit lesbian blogs for the profundity of their thoughts, while the gay males provide me with wise-ass cracks.)

We need something to be genuinely happy about. Something that does not involve asking a 6-year-old to gyrate like a macho dancer for everyone's entertainment.

Was supposed to write about "Pray the Gay Away", but what can I write that isn't already obvious?

So, I decided to entertain myself by watching Russell Peters. Can't afford to intellectualize. My new jobs demand absolute ownership of my brain. So will just keep this entry humorous. Russell Peters is very good at that.

"Corrective Rape" in South Africa

It's called "corrective rape" because having men gang up on a helpless lesbian will supposedly make her see the error of her ways.




Seriously. That is the most fudged up excuse I've ever heard for committing such brutality. And I believe it is an excuse. These swines probably think that people would forgive them for this hateful crime because they're fighting something that is unacceptable to society.

The mind is a powerful thing. They probably already harbored twisted fantasies that involve abusing women and have finally found a way to justify acting on these thoughts.

Really. What sort of thinking animal would believe that brutalizing women will lead them to embrace heterosexuality? Or men, for that matter? Congratulations, dweebs! You just increased the political lesbians in Africa. We can only hope they multiply exponentially so they can finally club your sorry hides.

Funny conversation. And international women's day.

Former student asked about my orientation, saying that he noticed I moved like a butch even if I look very feminine.

"Nope. She's not my partner. She's my ex."
"Oh? So you're bi?"
*Laughter*
"Nope. Totally gay."
*Laughter*


Must work on feminizing myself further. Although I love butches (can never find myself attracted to femmes), I don't want to look like them. Sometimes I wonder why this is so.

International Women's Day. Hm. Didn't celebrate it because I think at least half of the 365 days should be for women. Heh.

Hm. It's a small world after all.

Kung mag-Tagalog na lang kaya ako? Baka mas madaling maging anonymous.

Realized that the world of Filipino lesbians is so small. Turns out my friends personally know the lesbian bloggers am following.

There's also one project in the works where am required to come out.

Oh, wee! Look, Ma, can't invite you to my next project.

The thing about blogging anonymously...

Is that you sometimes get so confused, you might end up accidentally blowing your own cover.

I make sure that this blog and the blogs it follows are only viewed through Google Chrome. Unfortunately, nearly forgot that rule when one of my main blogs made it into the finals of a local awards giving body. One of the blogs Malditera follows happened to be my main blog's contender for the top spot.

Nearly commented on his/her blog through Mozilla and almost used my real username. Arrrrrr! Just wanted to congratulate the competitor, is all.

Then came the realization. Opened Malditera so I could have an outlet for the closet's repression but I end up getting more stressed as I:

• Carefully take note if any of my writings are similar to the ones that can be read on my more popular blogs.
• Use thesaurus.com to replace words that I frequently use in my main blogs.
• Make sure that the my main blogs never follow the same people Malditera does. They must be completely separate. But the blogosphere being small, one tends to forget which connection is connected to what identity. How the hell did Clark Kent manage this for years?
• Try to be cryptic but end up confusing myself further.
• Try to be as ungrammatical but poetic as e.e. cummings, but end up getting obsessive-compulsive over fragments and run-ons. Must admit, slapping my hands to keep myself from correcting my own grammar is rather disturbing.

Anonymity is an exercise in futility. For three reasons:

• The ex says that despite the thesaurus replacements, Malditera still sounds like me.
• onyourmach says the same thing.
• A very popular fashion blogger, who also happens to be a proud lesbian, accidentally outed me and the ex at a high profile event. Jejeje. To think, she never would've figured it out if she hadn't seen my ex.

So. Will still try to remain anonymous but will not try so hard anymore. It's exhausting.